Friday, July 31, 2009
Your bragging on how good and loyal your man is with your co-workers. You and your co-workers go to lunch and your man is at the restaruant with some fat white woman. Kill Yourself.
You tell your girlfriends you wish your man would disrespect you. He comes to your job, causes a big scene, and cusses you out to the point security had to call the police. Guess your wish came true. Kill Yourself.
You live at your girlfriend's mama's house and your driving a Lexus? Kill Yourself.
Posted by Madame Fellatio at 12:58 PM
Are you getting sick and tired of dating black men? Are you thinking to yourself maybe I need to start dating outside my race because I can't get a decent black man to treat me right? Chances are you've been dating niggas.
There is a difference between dating black men and dating niggas. Lets run through some characteristics of a black man vs. a nigga.
Chances are you are dating a nigga if:
1. He has a "hustle", always partying, drinking, hanging out all hours of the night.
2. He has a history of baby's mamas and/or bad relationships. Majority of his adult life he lived with "his prior girlfriends".
3. He is in and out of jail his adult life.
4. Doesn't have legitimate/reachable goals and aspirations. ie: he wants to play ball or be rapper and he is in late 20's early 30's.
5. He always has some major drama in his life. He's mad at the world and gets overly irritated with little things.
6. He feels threatened by your success. Might feel you are constantly going to leave him because he has low self esteem.
7. He goes out of his way to comment on things he knows make you insecure about yourself. He comments on other women's appearance in your presence.
8. He wants to spend your money til his next gig comes up. (Yet he never pays you back.)
9. He deletes all his cellular communication. (There is never any call history on his phone.)
10. He never wants to go anywhere with you unless you pay or you are going to his family or friends house.
Chances are you are dating a black man if:
1. He has a legitimate 9 to 5 job.
2. He drinks, smokes in moderation. His friends are of like nature.
3. He financially supports his children and spends time with them on a regular basis.
3. He may have a few bad relationships but he still speaks of his ex-girlfriends with respect.
4. He has learned from the mistakes of his youth and hasn't been to jail in his adult life.
5. He has realistic professional goals, to advance his career and earning potential. 6. He supports and encourages your success in life.
7. He compliments your beauty and your imperfections.
8. He doesn't like to borrow money from you, he enjoys taking you out on the town.
9. He accompanies you to your social functions.
10. He doesn't hide his cell phone or is concerned with you going through his phone.
The lists for both types of men goes on and on. Bottom line is Niggas ain't shit, never been shit, and never will be shit. Black men are men of quality, doing something with themselves, and treats women with respect. Learn to identify the difference of dating a black man vs. a nigga and you will be much more successful in your relationships. Don't write black men off just stop dating niggas!
Posted by Madame Fellatio at 10:08 AM
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Have you ever had a best friend, a girl was with with you through the thick and the thin since you both were in training bras? The girlfriend who comforted you during the high school breakups? The homie that held your hair back when you were throwing up after college parties? The devoted friend who you thought would stand by your side when you married your soul mate? Then somewhere between your college days and as you reach your thirties you see each other less and less? She avoids your calls? You hear she is talking shit behind your back? You realize somewhere down the line she became a trifling ass trick?
As we age, we evolve, our personalities change, our priorities change. Problem is as we change it isn't always for the better. Next thing you know you guys have less and less in common and have grown apart. You start to see your friend in a different light. You realize that your closest friend, just ain't worth our time anymore. She isn't the quality person you once thought she was. At some point she became a trifling ass trick.
That loyal friend you once had now runs her mouth about you for no damn reason telling random people all your private business and darkest secrets. That down ass chick starts acting salty with you when you get something new and great in your life like a good paying job, or a good man. That soul sista that used to uplift you when you were going through struggles in life starts to take pleasure in kicking you when your down.
You see these signs and address them with your friend. You try to find out why she is acting this way. She then acts stupid, tells you, you got the problem. You think you are all that cuz you got all these great things going for you. Why put up with her shit? Why continue to put up with the disrespect, humiliation, and salty feelings from someone you've know for so long?
I say fuck em! No one is worth being stressed over, especially since she ain't fucking you. Identify the signs when your BFF becomes that trifling ass trick. Cuss her ass out, scratch out her extensions if it will make you feel better. But please, please stop fucking with that trick!
Posted by Madame Fellatio at 3:01 PM
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
I watched the show More to Love last nite. That is some funny shit right there. This is basically a show for Low-Self Esteem white girls. These girls are running around crying how they can't get a man, no one wants to be seen with a fat girl. They act like they have one eye, a cleft palate, a chicken wing arm, with foot to mouth disease.
WAKE UP GIRLS! Your just fat, big boned whatever. Get over it! If you have self esteem and walk around like you the shit, brothas will think you are the shit! Learn to dress for your size. Flaunt what you are working with. If you got big titties..tastefully display them. Keep your hair, feet, and nail game up. If you got a pretty face, seem pleasant, and approachable, you will catch some play. But nobody can teach you self-esteem! In the words of Katt Williams...it's called self-esteem Bitch!
If I were a guy I wouldn't want to date half of those girls on the show because they don't have confidence and self-esteem which men equate to needy and whiny. Who wants a broad like that right?
Posted by Madame Fellatio at 8:11 AM
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
With today's economy being like it is. For some women it seems to be harder and harder to find a "stable" man. I don't care what color he is. When is it ok to give a brotha a "broke pass"?
What is a broke pass? A broke pass is when you decide to give a man an exception for not being on top of his financial game. Now the "broke pass" isn't for the nigga who has too many "ain't gots." He dosen't have a combination of things like he "ain't got" no car, he "ain't got" his own apartment, he "ain't got" a job.
Now that we know what the "broke pass" is and how to use it we can run through some examples. And you decide whether or not you would give a brotha a "broke pass" and still date him.
Example One: You meet a mildly attractive 26 year old guy, he has his own car, a job, but he has roommate because he can't afford to live on his own. Would you give him a broke pass?
Example Two: You meet an attractive man, he has a job and going to school but he has no car. Apparently he doesn't make enough money to get a car. Would you give him a broke pass?
With today's economy being the way it is...should we successful women lower our standards, our expectations and give brothas "broke passes?" You decide.
My only advice is..if you give him a broke pass don't let that nigga bust nuts in you. You definately don't want any babies by a brotha that ain't got his financial game together!
Posted by Madame Fellatio at 1:40 PM
This post is for all the men out there. I am going to write this post drawing references to basketball so men can understand. It seems to be a trend that you men just don't realize how replacable you truly are. You think women come a dime a dozen. Yeah maybe they do.
But us women can recruit a point guard, a forward, and a center to our team with the simple effort of a short skirt and some red pumps. Please don't get it twisted! We are with you cuz we are digging you, we like your style, and your company. Now if you take advantage of our good nature and you don't want to play this one on one game of monogomy.... we will definately bring a nigga off the bench and trade your retired ass to a looser team!
See men what you fail to realize is when you have the chance to be the starring player on this team, my team, you get all the endorsements of my family and friends, you get the media attention of being with one of the baddest bitches in the game, and you get the hollywood treatment by yours truely. When you are signed on my team you know you are the best, and if you play your game right you can get a "championship ring" that has a commitment for forever.
Now when your head gets big and other wack ass coaches aka "those raggedy bitches" want to recruit you to their team.... Promising you money, sex, whatever, and you decide to "give those coaches a try...." I figure since you want to hoe yourself out there I will definately make you a free agent and cut you from the squad. But you will never ever get the opportunity to play for this team again. You lost your shot at a championship ring. And you got to pay me a penalty for not fulfilling your contract. By the way no one will care what team you were transferred to cuz they don't compare to the team you were on.
And remember you will easily be replaced before the end of the night because it is every niggas dream to get recruited to this championship team!
Posted by Madame Fellatio at 1:16 PM
One of my personal favorites and the easiest to achieve. Unless the brotha is blind he can see all the goodies and this the easiest and most affect way to arouse a man! My advice is not to try so hard. The 1980's lace embroidered teddy shit is played out!
Lets face it niggas are simple creatures and only require simple tactics to get what you want out of them. We no longer have to invest in expensive Victoria's Secret matching bra and pantie sets. It takes nothing more than to be topless with some booty shorts to get him to give you the business. And girl if you go the extra mile and get lip gloss and heels....you will be sitting on his face with the quickness.
If you want to spend the loot on lingerie more power to you, it is still effective, but for me...I have had the same success with Victoria's Secrets as I have had with Target booty shorts. As long as you show a little tittie or show a little ass, he will be on his hands and knees giving YOU head!
Posted by Madame Fellatio at 10:45 AM
Lets face it when you see a fine man and you are up close with him brush up to his neck. And he is smelling better than big mama's sweet potato pie on Soul Food Sunday? Girl you just want to tear his clothes off!
I'm no scientist but I know an appealing smell stimulates arousal! So the same goes for us. I believe a guy thinks if something smells good it must taste good. Umm hum..he can go down on you all nite with just the right scent. However too much of a good thing can give the wrong results. A guy can think dang you put on so much perfume you must be hiding a scent or something down there. Or he might not want to get too close to you because your scent is so strong it is choking him. So my advice...Just put enough smell goods on your body to make him say dang..I want you.
Don't forget to smell good every time he sees you, I don't care if the two of you are just going to take the trash out together. You may not realize it but your scent stays with him...on his car seat, on his sheets, on his shirt. If you have a pleasant smell, your scent will linger with him always, and he will always think of you when he smells your perfume and moments you shared together.
Trust me a sweet scent goes a long way!
Posted by Madame Fellatio at 10:32 AM
Touch is the most important sense . The touch stimulates arousal. But don't limit your "touching" him to just your hands. Touch him with your tongue, touch him with a feather, cold fruit, ice, whatever. Touch him with something warm or switch it to cold. Just don't' be afraid to think outside the box and touch touch touch touch him.
Or better yet touch your damn self! You don't need a man to get yours girlfriend. You know what you like and sometimes the the best orgasm to have is given when you touch your damn self.
Posted by Madame Fellatio at 10:22 AM
You just went to the bathroom and you want me to suck your dick? Hell to the nawl. Kill yourself.
Your boo thang takes off his pants and he isn't wearing any drawls? Not a good look. Kill yourself.
You in the club fighting over a dick that don't belong to you? Kill yourself
Posted by Madame Fellatio at 10:17 AM